He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
