oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
