enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
