Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
