I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
