And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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