gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
