Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
