Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
