All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
