just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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