Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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