we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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