i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
