____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just tell him i said nine months
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Come on in and take your pants off
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