hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there's paper in my vomit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
