i will never coherently bang her
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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