Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
