So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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