My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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