yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You need Xanax blowdarts
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
