That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
