worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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