She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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