yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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