Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
