that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im six kinds of drunk right now
false alarm. still invincible.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
