I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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