break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
