Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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