I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
