We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
