I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She's the barista slut.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
