Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
