i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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