Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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