Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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