coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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