Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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