he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
