I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
