Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
barbara walters just said penis...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so much tequila, so little girl.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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