**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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