all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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