I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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