I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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