her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize