she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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