Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
