Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
