Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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