I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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