I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
