Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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