So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
