My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
