I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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