I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
