If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
