R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
