I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize