u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
