i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
