My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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