chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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