I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
