I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
