Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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