Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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