i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
