Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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