You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I puked a lego.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
