I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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