shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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