we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize