Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
