he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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