put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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