Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
