so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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