that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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