Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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