i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
