I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize