SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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