we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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