She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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